Twenty years old wasn’t the time that life showered me with its beauty but when life opened my eyes to the cold reality of this world. Time to have fun is disappearing as if it was swallowed by the life challenges; endless just like waves on the shore.
“Your parents is not a conglomerate, you have to work hard for your life, I’m already tired,” said my father who was relaxing at the terrace that afternoon. Since that day, I earned money for myself. I established an online shop with some difficulties. I could passed year over year with gratefulness, but the worry was so tremendous that I couldn’t hold it. And then, one question popped up on my mind, “What is your dream?”
Twenty two years old, I worked in one of the big companies in Indonesia. At first, I thought my career path will be as great as I imagined it would be, but all of those imaginations were just an illusion that filled up my mind. Bitter reality and false hope were hitting me continuously. Smiles and laughter with my friends just seemed like a play in which I took part in. I didn’t find my passion when I started my career. I always enjoyed my loneliness and lamentations in my heart couldn’t be stopped when it’s the time to go home. “If this is not your dream, why do you walk through all of this?” then I questioned myself.
Twenty five years came so fast. Until now, it’s almost three years I’ve been living in a life that i don’t want to live in. That feeling seemed like poison that slowly killing my reasons to go for my dreams. Sometimes, I think I would like to give up this life. The feeling of disappointment towards myself encouraged me to give up but God had given me a true best friend.
“You can do it, there must be another way, be patient, Cheer up! I will always support you,” said my best friend. That supportive feeling was like honey that filled up my heart with nothing but sweetness. If it wasn’t for him, I might have ended my messed up and boring life. I questioned myself again, “what will you do next?”
There are no big changes happened in my life until now. I worked without any passion. Smile and laughter become more and more out of place. I have just realized what I have been nurturing is fear. I let it grew wild and strangled me until I can’t do anything in my life. I feel like the older I get, the farther my dreams would go. I am scared that my dreams will faded with time and finally lost with hopelessness. I am afraid i will be a failure. I am scared I will be old and I could do nothing anymore. I am afraid everything will be taken from me before I get them. It seems there was nothing but fear in me.
“Are you ready to take down your fear and win?” I questioned myself one more time. I need months to reassure myself to build up a tiny light of hope and I finally said, “I’m ready.”